Am I Selfish For Having Expectations?

The Never Ending Cycle Of Expectation and Hurt

Everyone thinks I am a nice guy. Always helping others, ready to sacrifice my own comfort for the person next to me, making sure everyone around me is happy or at least not stressed because of me.

Cost Of Nice Guy Persona

People take advantage of me. Friends take money from me because they know if they say they need the money I won’t refuse them. After taking the money started ignoring me because deep down they know I wouldn’t go to their house asking for payback.

Individuals that I fall for stay with me because they know I am their emotional support dog. On good days they don’t care if I am dead or alive but on bad days they use their misfortune as a treat to call for me. Knows that I will come for them every time. Because I can’t see them down.

Reason For Developing This Persona

The reason I do this things because I have been to their places once and I don’t want them to go through the same hell I went through. Need of money but can’t ask parents or even close friends, I have faced it. So when someone comes to me with a similar situation I give them without thinking of the consequences.

All the while knowing I can’t trust this man.

A person tells me about her heartbreak. I listen and when asked give advice. While wanting that person but she doesn’t want me in the same way. Yet I am listening to her heart getting broken.

Why? Because I have been there. I know the state that person is in. They can’t say this to anyone because their close ones will judge and criticize them. But that is not what she needs right now. She needs a pair of ears and a comforting voice. So when they chose me, I stayed there.

Knowing that every word she will utter will feel like whipped on my already wounded body.

If I tell this to my family they will call me gullible or a fool.

Now does this make me LOOK LIKE a good guy?

Yes.

Am I actually a good guy?

Absolutely NOT.

Why is that?

Because I am selfish.

Whenever I am doing something for someone I expect something in return. If I am doing it for a friend I want him to help me when the time comes. Doing it for a girl because I want her to like me. Pretending to be a model son because I want everyone in my family to admire me. I always have an ulterior motive.

I always expect something in return. I just don’t say it out loud like the others. So when I occasionally show them the thing I truly am they get traumatized.

I rather believe fools are those who think this world is a one-way street. That one will only give and the other will only take. And even after knowing the harsh reality of the world if someone still thinks that they can suck someone dry without giving something in return then that someone deserves the trauma.

Conclusion

So don’t be ashamed if you expect something from someone in return.

Yes, you shouldn’t expect the world will help you willingly because all of us are struggling and can’t always focus on the people around us. And those who do are truly something.

But if you were there for someone and did something good for them. Then you having expectations from them is not wrong. But it is your right.

Thank you for staying until the end!