To Fulfill You

Recently my friend shared his struggles with me regarding his partner.

Struggles with how she doesn’t value him, how she keeps her options open and how she is not afraid that she might lose him.

If it was 5 years ago I wouldn’t have acknowledged any of his feelings but now I can. I know what he meant and don’t think it is wrong to demand this much.

I mean if I can make you my world, why can’t you make me yours?

But the truth is, relationships aren’t there to make you whole. They can’t fix you, or give you the things that you have dreamt of having, from a relationship.

All the lines about the other half, part of me, sound great in our minds or in movies. Dreams like someone will come and complete me. Or no one in this world understands me but miraculously she will. These don’t happen in real life, because they are not scripted like in the movies.

The real world is much more harsh. No partner will be able to help you unless you clearly express what you need.

If both of you agree then great, otherwise it is best to part ways in my opinion. Because disagreements always start small and with time grow big. And the more time you spend with someone, the more it will be harder to break.

But after listening to him, I was happy that I wasn’t the only one who felt like this when I was going through something similar.

I was a mess.

I was angry, sad and hateful. It was like I was feeling the seven deadly sins all at once. I was confused about whom to blame. Her, for not being faithful, or me being foolish enough to think we are exclusive.

After a lot of struggles, I realized a simple matter.

I can’t be with someone when I am still building myself. Because then that person will become my foundation.

Which is wrong. Because if she leaves, I will crumble.

I have my own world and she has her own. These two worlds can exist side by side but never merge. But the sad thing is we want them to merge. Because for us, that is what a relationship is.

Again something that has been injected into us through fictional stories.

Believe me, I want to believe in those stories. I want to, more than anyone else. But it never happens.

So first you have to create and maintain your world, and don’t expect she will help you do that. Because she has her own world to build and take care of.

If you want her to value you, first you have to generate that value. If she keeps her options open, create your own options too. Doesn’t mean you have to act on them, just let them be there. So that she can have a feeling she might lose you.

In the end, relying on her to help to make your world a whole, or give you all the happiness and a sense of life won’t be long-lasting.

You always have to be your own foundation.

Thank you for staying until the end!